Now that Gavin is home I realize how delayed my beautiful Belle is. I just didn't see it before. I can NOT even tell you why. Friends have mentioned such things to me and I always thought "what are they talking about?". Or I thought, "well, they don't know her". HA!!! The truth is, Belle is significantly delayed. Well, now that I have realized it I am so sad for her. I have heard many bio mom's of children with DS mourn the things their sweet child(ren) probably wont be able to do. I didn't get it.
I GET IT NOW!!!!
Gavin is learning so much, so quick. He learned how to climb the stairs after watching Sara & Owen do it once. It has taken Belle a YEAR!!!! Gavin is feeding himself with a spoon after 1 week, Belle still struggles with this a year later. Gavin can wash his own face and brush his own teeth after he was shown once, Belle not yet. Gavin also bullies Belle and this just kills me. He has pinched her, pushed her, he has taken her food or her drink - he just knows he can. How did he know this after just being home 1 day and it took me a year????? UGH!!!!
I want to be clear before anyone might jump to the very wrong conclusion. This does NOT in any way change the way I feel about BELLE!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!! I am just so sad at the reality of her intellectual disability. I am just sick that she can't now and might never be able to protect herself. If Gavin can pinch her and she doesn't even cry or make a peep how can I always protect her? It is only because I saw him do this that I know it happened.
It kills me!!!
Of course this is not Gavin's fault. He has learned living in an orphanage that it is survival of the fittest. I don't believe he wants to hurt Belle and I have scolded him when he does "not nice" things to his sister and he does stop. He is such a good listener Thank GOD!!!! I am pretty confident if he tries any of these "not nice" things with his sister Sara he will LEARN REAL QUICK not to do it again.
I just keep trying to focus on how happy Bellie is. I mean she laughs when I zip up her jammies. She laughs when I get her out of her crib in the morning and at nap time. Today she was cracking up when I was holding her and Gav at the same time. I almost couldn't hold on to her because she was wiggling around laughing so much. She laughs if I sneeze. She laughs when she sits on her Dad's lap. She laughs when someone sings a song. She laughs if someone dances with her. THE GIRL LAUGHS!!!!!! So why am I so sad for her???? She LOVES every little thing!!!
So I ask all of you, why can't I just accept she is happy and that be enough???? It worked for a year for me and now I am a moosh mess. What the heck??????
Summer, you are a good Momma. Belle is happy and that is all anyone could ask for! And, you never know what miraculous thing(s) God has in store for her! XOXO.
ReplyDeletemy hubby and i found out this morning our son who doesnt have down syndrome has a severe developmental disabilty..hes 4 and is very different from our other kids..once the shock wears off youll remember she loves you/eventually youll see improvement..give it time your a wonderful mom and itll work out now as for the bullying be firm hell get the idea fast mama wont put up with it..
ReplyDeleteI think you also need to consider your adjustment period. You have just added another beautiful child to your already busy life, this will take time to adjust to. I would imagine, as I've never adopted, that there will be alot of issues that just need time to soak in. Just give yourself the time and hopefully things will settle down and your heart for Belle will heal. Remember, you are sad for Belle only because you do love her so much. Sending prayers for peace in your heart and lots of continued smiles for Belle!
ReplyDeleteWell, I am not a dr or anything but I think you have to look at how different their environments were before you got them. Wasn't Belle in a crib with no interaction at all? And Gavin had access to toys, kids, stimulation. So her brain is still developing and Gavin's is probably more developed due to his first few years. It just might take her a little longer. Just focus on the positive things like how she did learn to climb the stairs,walk ,drink, laugh, ect. I bet she will catch up at her own pace. Both are just precious!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are sad. Bellie is beautiful, happy, and loves life. Don't be sad for her. She isn't!
ReplyDeleteOh Momma my heart feels for you. There are days that I just long for some Bellie giggles! You are a ray of sunshine that brightens your mommy & daddy's days this much I know for certain!
ReplyDeleteDear Summer,
ReplyDeleteThis is what I have struggled with regarding our dear, sweet Julia. I knew from the moment that she was placed in my lap that she was significantly delayed. And like you, it didn't matter, we still wanted her to be our daughter, but my heart ached for her. Yes, Julia has accomplished a lot in this past year, but I worry for her too. The thing that has helped me, and I hope it will help you, is that I have come to realize a few very important things: Julia has brought so much joy to our family, she has taught us to love more, care more deeply and to advocate for not only her but for those we had to leave behind in the orphanages. I'm amazed daily at how this little, non-verbal girl brings happiness to the people she spends her school day with, the kind workers at our local grocery store who take a moment to say "hi" to her, strangers who have come over to us at a store to tell us about their son or daughter with Ds, etc. I know Miss Belle has done all this for you and yours. I also truly believe that both Julia and Belle will continue to grow and learn new things, it just might take a little bit more time for them. As long as we continue to see the girls the way that I imagine Jesus does, they will be fine and so will we as their moms. Belle is happy, loved and safe and that is more than enough.
I hope I helped in some small way.
Patty
Summer, Thanks so much for sharing your heart. Belle and Gavin came from very different places. He escaped some of the h*ll she was put through. And you have just "given birth". :-) Jet lag, adjustment to a new child in the mix, the "post-adoption" stress-relief (stress of paperwork and traveling is gone), etc. Give your heart some time to heal, my dear friend. You are a WONDERFUL momma! Just as Patty said, she is happy, loved and safe and that is more than enough!
ReplyDeleteBut just think about how far she has come this past year! Yes, our sweet girl needs more time to do and learn things, but she is learning! And even better, she has an amazing family to help her. Maybe there will be some things Bellie doesn't ever do. But loving and laughing and being adored aren't any one of them :).
ReplyDeleteSummer, You are a "moosh mess" because you LOVE that little girl and you want so much for her. Just remember though, God loves her a lot more than you do and He has his plans for her jsut as He does for Gavin and all the rest of His children. God gave her to you specfically so you would be a "moosh mess" over her.
ReplyDeletesummer,the children look so wonderful! Praise God. i was thinking that it could be that Gavin may possibly have received more gentleness or love in his baby house in comparison to what bellie received.(just guessing at possibilities) that can have such a huge effect on development and then it just takes extra, extra long to catch up. i also remember how my sweet cousin with DS did very little until her 7th birthday.we wiped ourselves out trying to teach, stimulate, bribe and motivate her to action to no avail. she would just laugh at everybody and sit, watching. then on her 7th birthday, watch out, she was off and there was no holding her back! then we sweated for a different reason, to keep up! :)It is just such a joy to watch them blossom and grow, no matter how they decide to do it! be encouraged that your belle will do such amazing things in her own time. :) Blessings, Lynn Marie
ReplyDeleteMy adopted daughter has fetal alcohol syndrome and is delayed. Once you "see" it you do mourn for your child. But for her sake you have to push her to be the best she can be and celebrate who she becomes. I have been told that my daughter can do many of the things she does because early on I pushed her learning.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, pat
Thanks for sharing about your sweet girl! She is so blessed to have you as her Mom! Never give up (I know you won't!)She may surprise you with what she can learn!
ReplyDeleteI have read about a place that has a program that helps children with down syndrome to learn extraordinarily well and I thought I'd share it with you in case you would like to read more about it to see if it could help your sweet daughter!
From their website: "Using the programs developed by The Institutes, children diagnosed with Down syndrome have been able to improve function and, in many cases, perform at peer level-and above."
Here is a there web address: http://www.iahp.org/Down-Syndrome.87.0.html
The "hurt" we feel for our kids is such a deep pain. Remember that God has created each of us as an individual with our own plan. Her plan may take a little longer than some but it is a special plan just for her. She is blessed to have such a loving family. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it hurts for me too to see other kids my son's age doing much more than he does, but I always say to myself, that it's already enough for me what he does and knows, and if I am so lucky to see him talking, playing with children, feeding himself etc. that's a big BONUS.
ReplyDeleteI love you Summer! I know you love your babies so darn much, and I know you are hurting. You need to go listen to the Signing Time song "Shine"
ReplyDeleteThese are the lyrics
"Sometimes I see you stuck
For such a long time
A daily nothing new
Pretend I don’t mind
With lists of things you’ll never do
Until somehow you do
And you do — you do — you shine
You’ve taught me in your lifetime
More than I’d learned in mine
And you do, you do, you shine
Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine
Shine your light on me
Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine
everyone will see
Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine
I’m so glad you are mine
And you’ll shine in your own time
And Sammy will do what Sammy will do when Sammy is ready to do it
And Trevor will do what Trevor will do when Trevor is ready to do it
And Lucy will do what Lucy will do when Lucy is ready to do it
And they’ll do it in their own time
Yeah, they’ll Shine Shine Shine Shine Shine"
This song ALWAYS reminds me of kids like Belle and Julia. Our sweet girls shine, and they'll do what they do when they're ready to do it.