It has been almost 2 years since I first saw your beautiful face on the Reece's Rainbow site. I was so drawn to your picture, it was if your eye's just screamed for me to come get you!! I knew the instant I saw you that I wanted to be your Mom!! I knew that you were meant to be a part of our family.
I remember the day we committed to you like it was 5 minutes ago. It was one of the most Amazing days of my life. I was so insane with EXCITEMENT that I was running in and out of the house like a complete lunatic. I wanted to SCREAM to the world that you were going to be my daughter!!!
I made many promises to you that day. I promised to do what ever it would take to get you home. I promised that you were about to be BLESSED with the Best Daddy in the whole world. I also promised that you would never ever live a day with out being loved once I got my hands on you!!!
I am so sorry that almost 2 years later, I have not kept even one promise to you.
As miraculously as it might sound because of YOU we have added two precious treasures to our family. When you were very sick and we were not permitted to bring you home we decided to continue our adoption journey. This was not easy!!! As a matter of fact it was AWFUL knowing that you were not coming home. It was horrific knowing that you would go to HEAVEN with out ever knowing the LOVE of a family. Your little heart was failing and we were told that you would only be leaving the ICU to go to HEAVEN. I remember thinking that GOD must of misunderstood my prayers to help you get home. I never meant HOME with Him - I meant home with us!!!!
I wasn't sure if I could love another little girl the way I had already LOVED you. I have to be honest though, I knew the moment I held Belle that she was absolutely meant to be my daughter. I knew that I loved her with all my heart and soul just as I loved you!! I had no idea how it all happened. I couldn't begin to figure out how in the world that you being so ill led us to Belle!!! How, could the obsession of adopting one little girl and her getting sick lead us to our "meant to be" daughter????? I realized it was God's plan - HE knew all along that Belle would be the 6th addition to our family. I sure was GRATEFUL!!!!
We had promised (yes, again) that we would return for you in the spring if you had survived. We had inquired several times. You were still in the hospital and still not expected to survive. We grieved!!! We finally realized that you were not coming home to us. Our dream of YOU being a part of our family came to and end. We were heartbroken.
We still felt that we were being called to adopt. This time we were going to bring home a very handsome little boy. Again, it was so obvious that GAVIN was absolutely meant to be part of our family. It's just that Amazing!!! You, sweet girl, led us again and we are so very grateful!!!!
When the news was revealed that you had SURVIVED, we were over the moon EXCITED!!! It was a Miracle!!! You were a Miracle!!! So many people had been praying for you to survive and YOU DID!!! It was so surreal!!! We all quickly realized how very strong and determined you were to know the LOVE of a forever family. You were a FIGHTER!!!!
But now what? We were already in the process to adopt Gavin and we couldn't adopt two children. We were SICK!!! We were so torn with what to do. Should we abandon Gavin and proceed to bring you home??? Or do we continue with our journey to Gavin and abandon you??? Oh it was awful. Not to mention that Gavin was in the same orphanage you were. Daddy had no idea when we first committed to Gavin that he chose a little boy in the same orphanage as the little girl he had loved with all his heart!!
We decided that we would continue our journey to bring Gavin home and PRAY like crazy that a family would commit to you as soon as POSSIBLE!!! I can't even ever explain to you how guilty I felt about this but it did feel right for some reason.
A family committed to bring you home. A beautiful family that we are very close friends with. We were so RELIEVED that you would be a part of their fabulous family. We were so GRATEFUL that you would finally have the life saving surgery that you so desperately deserved!!!
On our first trip to Gavin, we walked by your little room 4 times a day, every day for over 2 weeks. We didn't know that we were so close to you but we knew you were in the orphanage somewhere. We did not ask to see you during our first trip. I am so so sorry. I just couldn't. I was WEAK WITH GUILT!!! I couldn't face you. You had done so very much for me. SO MUCH!!! AND I HAD DONE NOTHING FOR YOU!!! How could I face you??? I had made so many promises to you and not kept one. I was ashamed!!!
The second trip I was stronger and ready to meet the beautiful girl that I had dreamed about and tell her that her Mommy & Daddy were coming for her soon!!! I am not sure if you remember meeting me but I will remember the day I met you for the rest of my life. I walked in to your teeny tiny room and there YOU WERE!!! You were laying in your crib just staring up at the ceiling. The caregiver picked you up and held you right in front of me. I couldn't believe it!!! There you were - the girl I had dreamed about being my daughter. There you were - the sweetest little girl I had ever seen. The girl that had given me so much and I hadn't done a thing for in return. I asked to hold you. The nanny handed me the most precious gift I have ever received. The opportunity to hold you, love you and tell you how very sorry I was. I felt like I was spinning - I really wasn't even sure how in the world I was holding you. You smiled at me!! If i thought I was spinning before I was a tornado at this point. I looked in to your gorgeous eyes and knew instantly that I had been right all along - YOU WERE AN ANGEL!!!
I pulled my self together so I could talk to you. I told you that you had to stay strong because your Mommy and Daddy were on their way. I told you how LOVED you were by so many people! I told you that I couldn't be any prouder of you!!! I gave you a gift that Christina had made for you and it was embroidered with your name. I told you that Christina and her family adored you endlessly!! You just kept smiling!! I felt like you absolutely understood everything I was telling you.
I was told I couldn't stay any longer because you were too sick to have so much going on. I did NOT want to let you go. Everything inside me said RUN, take her and just RUN!!!!! I knew I couldn't take you and run even though it sure seemed like a much better option then turning my back on you!!!
The thought of leaving you was KILLING ME. Oh My - It was something!!!
I kissed your very sweet little head and told you how much I Loved you. I told you how very sorry I was for not being able to bring you home!! I handed you over and tried to exit the room as fast as possible. When I came out of your room, Conor & Nick looked so scared. I don't think they had ever seen me like that. I was a MESS. I walked away knowing that I left a very large piece of my heart with you!!!
Shortly after we returned home with Gavin we found out that the family coming for you was unable to continue with your adoption. Oh my they were just sick as they LOVE you so very much!!!!
I knew that GOD must have one serious plan for you.
Well, my goodness sweet girl, people started to rally for you like CRAZY!!! I had sent a plea out that we could not afford another adoption but if we could there would be no question that you would be a part of our forever family. So many of your warriors started messaging me. They were doing everything they could to raise your ransom. It was something to witness I tell you!!! So many people have been praying for you for 2 years, so many people love you so very much!! So many people are willing to do anything to bring you home to a forever family.
Our very best friends in Switzerland, Christina & Christoph (Your Prayer Warriors since you were first listed with RR) offered to help us financially. Christina also offered to come and stay with our family while we traveled to you. She also offered to be here and take care of everyone while you were hospitalized. Another beautiful family offered us their tax refund if we needed it!!! Can you believe it????? Also, A group of wonderful ladies are doing an amazing giveaway for your adoption fund.
Well, It was a NO BRAIN ER!!!!!
WE COMMITTED TO BRING HOME OUR DAUGHTER!!!!!
WE COMMITTED TO YOU!!!!!!!!
So, the lady that held you 2 months ago and told you that she LOVED YOU!!! Well sweet girl, that was your MOM!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU LYLA - I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!
We are working at lightening speed to bring you home beautiful girl!! Please stay strong!!!! Please stay safe!!!! Please know that we love you so very much and we are all so crazy excited that you are finally coming HOME!!!!
It's FINALLY Your Turn Sweet Girl!!!!!!